Manson's Manifestation

testing

2005-12-27T04:31:00.000-08:00

2005-06-30T01:40:00.000-07:00

Nymphetamine lyrics

2005-06-19T22:33:00.000-07:00

Nymphetamine (Fix)[BONUS TRACK]

Lead to the riverMidsummer, I wavedA 'V' of black swansOn with hope to the graveAll through Red SeptemberWith skies fire-pavedI begged you appearLike a thorn for the holy onesCold was my soulUntold was the painI faced when you left meA rose in the rainSo I swore to the razorThat never, enchainedWould your dark nails of faithBe pushed through my veins againBared on your tombI am a prayer for your lonelinessAnd would you ever soonCome above unto me?For once upon a timeFrom the binds of your lowlinessI could always findThe right slot for your sacred keySix feet deep is the incisionIn my heart, that barless prisonDiscolours all with tunnel visionSunsetterNymphetamineSick and weak from my conditionThis lust, a vampyric addictionTo her alone in full submissionNone betterNymphetamineNymphetamine, nymphetamineNymphetamine girlNymphetamine, nymphetamineMy nymphetamine girlWracked with your charmI am circled like preyBack in the forestWhere whispers persuadeMore sugar trailsMore white lady laidThan pillars of salt(Keeping Sodom at night at bay)Fold to my armsHold their mesmeric swayAnd dance to the moonAs we did in those golden daysChristening starsI remember the wayWe were needle and spoonMislaid in the burning hayBared on your tombI am a prayer for your lonelinessAnd would you ever soonCome above unto me?For once upon a timeFrom the binds of your lowlinessI could always findThe right slot for your sacred keySix feet deep is the incisionIn my heart, that barless prisonDiscolours all with tunnel visionSunsetterNymphetamineSick and weak from my conditionThis lust, a vampyric addictionTo her alone in full submissionNone betterNymphetamineSunsetterNymphetamineNone betterNymphetamineNymphetamine, nymphetamineNymphetamine girlNymphetamine, nymphetamineMy nymphetamine girl

2005-06-19T22:26:00.000-07:00

NYMPHETAMINE VIDEO

2005-04-13T02:22:00.000-07:00

Click Here To Listen: Dark Tranqulity!!!!
Click Here To Listen:Cradle of Filth!!!!"Dusk and Her Embrance"
Click Here To Listen:Scar Culture!!!!

2005-04-12T02:01:00.000-07:00

guess who???????

2005-04-10T22:48:00.000-07:00

hey...Im back again...now listening to Coma White by Marilyn Manson...the song has so much meaning...it's true that I'm in a verdict world...

I dont know what to write at this point of time...I mean I'm kinda speechless to things already...it's not use if I say these things cuz some people will just read it and do no good but harm to myself...so I think from now onwards I wont write how I feel in this blog...I will not allow people to intrude into my life...

2005-04-10T00:17:00.000-07:00

Posing huh?

2005-04-10T00:13:00.000-07:00

Marilyn Manson awake...

2005-04-10T00:11:00.000-07:00

When You Lookin' Like That...

2005-04-02T03:55:00.000-08:00

Gerard My Chemical Romance

2005-04-02T03:54:00.000-08:00

gerard!!!!!!

life's a tick.........

2005-04-02T01:48:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling slightly better nowadays with this guy whom I chat with a couple of weeks ago (maman)...he's a nice and understanding guy whom I see is truly and sincerely into me...It's just that right now I just dont know how to proceed with the next step or what steps to take...I really need some time to find ways solve things and not messed it all up more...i dont want to hurt anyone in the process...even my bf cuz it'll hurt me too...

Honestly, I'm afraid of saying the 3-letter-word with anybody cuz to me it's very meaningful...it cant be just said like that without sincerity or honesty...I do love him (maman) but right now, i just need some space to clear things up by myself and to make a rightful decision...

No one really know what im going through right now...even my parents...my sis nor anyone...there are some things that i kept to myself though sometimes it hurt me badly but I try to put it off by making myself happy and not dwelling over them...

Right now, I just hope that Maman wil wait for me if he really love me cuz I really dont know how long it will take me to clear off the problems...I need ample time to do that but I seriously, think it's not going to be easy and fast...

And one more thing...I hope u (maman)remember and keep the promise that we've made(remember?)while we were at the canal...I really dont want you to break the promise...to me it'z the biggest most crucial promise to be made...I hope no matter how hard it may be for both of us to keep the promise, we'll keep it...we have to in every way, stop the things that would lead us in breaking the promise.. it's a MUST...for, I believe that the rightful person whom I'm seeking or my future-to-be will keep it...miss u maman...

Wat the fuck sia

2005-03-30T07:08:00.000-08:00

yeah...im back and furious which the truth that has surfaced...Well, I guess some pple who read my blog are trying to intrude my life for fuck motherfucking asshole sake...trying to destroy my relationship and my life and find fault in the things I do as if life itself is perfect...for those pple in that category, i just wanna say something...GET YOURSELF OUT AND OFF MY BACK FUCKERS!!!I DONT NEED YOU TO CHANGE OR STOP MY RELATONSHIP WITH ANYONE...SO FUCK OFF! I KNOW WHAT IM DOING! NOTHING CAN CHANGE THE WAY I THINK EXCEPT MYSELF!!! FUCK YOU!DONT LIKE WHAT I DO JUST SHUT UP & LEAD YOUR OWN FUCKING LIFE!

Well, really man...I'm so angry...I mean I have my own right of freedom to be with whoever I want to be with and have my own concept of life...I dont want pple to control my love life to the extend of digging into things that are personal...it's really not nice...though I'm just 18, I still have my rights to my own personal well-being of being in a relationship...I can solve things by myself...I'm not a baby to be fed adn taught...Fuck sia...hate when pple try to control over me as if I dont have a mind of my own and that they are always right in making decisions...they didnt respect my thoughts and decisions...fuck ah!

I'm already tensed up with everything right now...relationship's in a big mess, friends...some untrustable...parents...haiz keep bugging like I dont know how to behave and take care of myself...school...exams just next week...trying to revise but nothing seem to be ingraned in my head...

relationship: cocking up for some unexplainable reason...dont know how I feel right now...in a state of major confusion and mass destruction that could probabaly lead to chronic brain disease that could tear me apart...fuck! I'm not sure what to do next or how to lead my life...feel like breaking away from all these shit and live life alone...I dont want to hurt anybody anymore man cuz indirectly it hurt me too...I can feel myself breaking down every few minutes of my life...suddenly I will just cry...

parents: bugging me like fuck!

school: exams coming...fuck! i dont konw how to deal with it and my relationship....haiz...

I dont know what to do or expect next...Im just seeking for the best..hopefully zI can see some hope in life....

2005-03-25T05:53:00.000-08:00

hmm.....

2005-03-25T05:48:00.000-08:00

spot me!!!!

Gazing in to the field of my life

2005-03-22T01:14:00.000-08:00

Yeah im back again...I'm doing much better now...hehe....I guess because of the spongebob-after effect hehehe....But of course, im feeling a little pressure by the exams that are just around the corner...I dont know when I'll start to revise my work but I guess it's gonna be somewhere this week...I dont wanna slack too much...

Well, I guess another reason for being so active and undenieably happy is because of maman(the guy whom I've been msging and chatting with for the past few days) since he's been around I've been more cheerful :) I dont really feel lonely anymore even when I'm doing my work at night and during the times when I had to complete my projects...He makes my day and for that I am really grateful to know him...Somehow it changes my perception I have about guys that they're all of the same kind that they're just heartless and unfeeling creatures that do no good but destruction to women and the world...Well, right now im slightly convinced that not all guys are the same...

Hafiz called yesterday...like any other day...:) but we didnt talk much...it's okay though...I understand...he couldnt be entertaining me most of the time right? Neways, I'm fine with it as long as he doesnt do anything that destroy our relationship...

I just hope I can pass my exams and be promoted to year 2...And lead a good life with good health and family and even friends...I dont know what'll happen to me or my life tmrw and the day that follows after that...well, simple put, nobody knows...
And yeah, I have to start praying again like I used to...cuz He's the one who have help me all this while...and I really appreciates what He has given to me...and for all the successful traits that I've lead...

And yeah, one more thing....although I'm a marilyn manson fanatic, I dont follow what or how he believes in the term of God...I just like his music and the way the performs and his fashion traits that's all...Sorry to say but I dont believe the type of faith he believes in....

Dunno wat is to become of me....

2005-03-18T06:47:00.000-08:00

Hey....I back once again after the long break that I had...it's not that i dunt want to write anything but I was practically too exhausted from typing everyday....and cuz of the projects and stuff....

Well, today was okie...nothing great happen except messaging my new friend whom I've just been messaging for the past few days....He makes my day brighter and happier...:)I mean I was feeling kinda bored doing the same old routined stuff everyday with no one to share my days with and finally, comes this friend who just changes the gloominess of my day to a brighter one and make me smile....I really appreciates it...but of course, I dunt wanna disturb him too much cuz he too has his own things to commit...:)

Hafiz called me just now...he's kinda exhausted...must be from his army training and the workload he gets...we talked for abt less than 5 minutes but to me it was good enough...as long as he has the decency to call to check on how I was doing and all, it's fine with me...i'm not asking much....Well, I told him off to sleep since his tired...and we just hung up...

Our relationship, I realised, is somehow in the verge of nothingness where it stood stagnant...probably we've got nothing much to share abt or there's lack of love? I dunno...I tried so hard to make things work...maybe things are just meant to be that way I guess....I hope it'll improve but somehow...I feel that nothing's working... we're moving away from each other...lesser talks, affection and nitty-gritty stuff that brings our relationship more lively like we used to...it has all fade away....
It's so hard....you know...haiz....I've ran out of things to do to save our relationship....to make a better one....

Oh yeah, tmrw's our 1year anniversary for being together in the relationship...I'm not sure if we're heading anywhere tmrw cuz we didnt get to discuss that over the phone just now....Well, if he's tired then it's fine with me if he wants to stay home or just take a break...I really dont mind at all...:)Neway, I just hope things will get better for us both..................

2005-03-11T04:02:00.000-08:00

Twiggy RamireZZZ

In The Shadow Of Valley Of Death

2005-03-11T02:06:00.000-08:00

We have no future
heaven wasn't made for me
we burn ourselves to hell
as fast as it can be
and I wish that I could be a king
then I'd know that I am not alone

Maggots put on shirts
Sell each others shit
sometimes I feel so worthless
sometimes I feel discarded
I wish that I was good enough
then I'd know that I am not alone

Death is policeman
Death is the priest
Death is the stereo
Death is a TV
Death is the Tarot
Death is an angel and
Death is our God
killing us all

she puts the seeds in me
plant this dying trees
he's a burning string
and I'm just the ashes
she put the seeds in me
plant this dying tree
she's a burning string
and I'm just the ashes

There's something going blank..........

2005-03-09T03:16:00.000-08:00

I feel that i'm just a useless fig in the shadow of the Earth....Cant seem to rest my head on anything that could distract me from the wrecked world that I face.....People that i love most just couldnt see my affection and just how much love them.....they somehow pull themselves away from me.....i dunt understand.....Im sad of course......it seems like forever I'll feel this way.....never happy......probably occasionally......

Right now my vision is to not focus on those things that I've tried so hard to earn, but dont seem to get anything out of it(like love from my guy).....I'm shifting my focus to the future.....I want to get a respectable job, earn lots of money and make a fortune for my future generation so that they do not have to work so hard in their time to come.....yeah, I know right now I have to put in so much to achieve all those things....it's not an easy task but it's accomplishable if I'm hard-working enough.....and of course, with the help of God.....without Him, I think I wont even succeed or even existed in the first place.....

For those of you out there who have been consistently been reading my blog or to those who have read all my blogs, I'm sure you can figure out the trend in my emotions for most of the blogs that I've written........

Neways, thanx for taking time to read my blog........
I'm going blank soon...buh bye

Do I deserve to be loved? I guess not..............

2005-03-04T07:43:00.000-08:00

Today was okay.....I had my DCN test in the afternoon (which was not bad....I started studying in the morning itself ;p) and after that went out with my 'friend' ......It was fun spending time with him and I enjoyed it much......he's a nice and sweet person to be with......that sometimes when he's around, I juz forget abt my worries for the day and the problems I have with my guy......he juz makes my day brighter for me to live......

I aint got much to say today actually.....well, I juz got a so-called 'new' hp which was formerly my mom's and she gave it to me cuz she is having a new phone...so itz not so bad....at least i dont have to tolerate with the useless & cock-up phone which doesnt have a proper casing where the parts just sticks out from the whole frame and it looks kinda faulty....well, itz actually is....

I'm feeling down a lil....though overall i'm fine for today.....Itz juz that I'm in doubt abt my guy's true feelings on me....I've been thinking much abt it actually.....he's affection towards me is pretty distant nowadays.....and at times he keeps on talking about his ex-gf as if he wants her back.....I'm not jealous, seriously...... but by the way he puts his words across juz hurts me sometimes man.....there was once where I told him I wasnt sure of what kind of job I'd want to do and he suggested me to try Business Financing......i mean doesnt he remember abt me not liking calculations/ anything to do with maths??? I must have told him a million times oredi and still it doesnt get into his head.... He said that his ex-gf was in that area and that Financing is a good job indeed!!!(he really tried to push me into agreeing with him abt his claim & wants me to get into that job) Fuck ah! I told him off straight to his face that I HATE FINANCING & it SUCKS! (I dnt give a shit abt telling him off in a nice way for he isnt suggesting in a prospect of good terms but vice-versa)Not only that he told me all sorts of things that his ex-gf likes.......... How pitiful for me......he doesnt even know what things I like.........Fuck! We've been together for almost a year and this kind of nitty-gritty things he doesnt know and care.......sometimes I wonder if I ever existed in his world......or am I juz one of his girl from all the other gf that he may have.......

I hope someday I'll get a better guy who fit to be my husband.....the one that can take care of me.....when i'm in despair, loneliness, happiness, anger and sad.....who'll reach out for me when I need his hand.....who'll take care of my well-being, both physically and emotionally.....and who loves me sincerely......for who I am and for wat I'm not........hopefully I find that right one someday.....

2005-03-03T07:22:00.000-08:00

THE DOPE SHOW
The drugs they say make us feel so hollow
We love in vain narcissistic and so shallow
The cops and queers to swim you have to swallow
Hate today there's no love for tomorrow

We're all stars now in the dope show

There's a lot of pretty, pretty ones
That want to get you high
But all the pretty, pretty ones
Will leave you low and blow your mind

They love you when you're on all the covers

When you're not then they love another

The drugs they say are made in California
We love your face
We'd really like to sell you
The cops and queers make good-looking models
I hate today
Who will I wake up with tomorrow?

There's a lot of pretty, pretty ones (chorus repeat)

nothing exceptionally great.....

2005-03-03T07:00:00.000-08:00

Here i go again....life's boring and dull for me today....I did the routined stuff....of going to school....had dinner with my guy and went home....nothing exceptionally 'bountiful' or sparky that happen today....

Well, yesterday...i sent a message to I'dil( the other guy who sorta likes me...duh..but im still doubt abt his feelings) and again, he didnt reply at all! He hasn't been replying to any of my nessages since last Saturday after we went out together...Well, i guess he's another asshole....nevertheless i'm pretty grateful he isnt my bf yet or else....I'd just leave him alone to rot like my bf right now...I dont give a fuck abt what he wants to do or if he ever thinks abt me cuz my heart is oredi stale and numb to tolerate that kind of insensitive behaviour of his....i really had enough....I've been too kind all this while.....and now, itz retribution time....I wanna enjoy my lfe without thinking much abt him who doesnt do good to myself.....

I guess i'll be staying up a lil late tonight cuz i've got DCN to study...I dnt want to lag...i wanna work hard so that i can be promoted to 2nd year....haiz...hope i can pass tmrw's test....i really wish i can do that....

2005-03-01T08:09:00.000-08:00

ZimZum

2005-03-01T07:51:00.000-08:00

Marilyn Manson

me, i , nothing

2005-03-01T06:53:00.000-08:00

Yeah..i guess im back again..... hope i'll be consistent in writing the blog...like i used to...

Well...1 March, today that is...wasnt really a great or good day actually....to tell you the truth i've been down for a couple of days oredi...itz just that i dont wanna show it....Firstly, of course it's non other than my relatonship problem that im facing right now....honestly, i dnt really know y & when the problem started at all...issit bcuz of me or wat? or he juz issint interested with me anymore....yeah, i admit it, i must have been too boring for him, not pretty as other malay gals ....or maybe have broke his heart so much that he juz cldnt stand being nice to me or treat me right anymore...He doesnt call me frequently like he used to....we dnt talk much anymore....doesnt even msg me like he used to...we're just getting more distant everyday....I dnt know wat is to become of our relAtionship....haiz....

Secondly,there are other guys that are involve in my life who likes me & treats me better than my guy....these 'other guys' have been my friend for few months...im not sure if they are in love with me but somehow i thk i've fallen in love with one of them...man, i juz dont know how i feel...sometimes i feel like breaking up with my guy and lead a single simple life....at times I just want to break away from the misery of having this kind of relationship and search for a better one...I'm really sad...only God knows my true feelings and how deep the cut in my heart is...i dnt know y...When i love something so much, it just seem that the thing / person that i love just wouldnt return me a kind favour...haiz...

I think my blog can go on to a couple of pages abt today's event....so i guess i better not write them all out ....it'll be too lengthy if i do so....well, for now i'll try to do my best to make the best of what is within my control and let go to what's not within it....I'll leave it to God...while he does that, I'll sit and watch...

no valentine.......

2005-02-13T00:24:00.000-08:00

Haiz....I fought with hafiz again...he doesnt wanna talk to me...it'z actually a small matter but he make it big....

I mean he asked me out for dinner tonight with his other frends( who will have their partners) and i rejected...I mean itz oredi past 4...I dnt like to go out after 2 on Sundays...so i rejected....plus, im having my dayz right now...so i dont really have the mood to go out anywhere...i'm having PMS also...haiz....he doesnt understand....he said that everytime he ask me out with his frends I would reject...I mean that's not true at all! I've been out with him and them for many times oredi and comparing that to how many times he has ever gone out with me and my 'companies' is none! And plus, he has never been to any of my jamming sessions before...haiz...he's a pain in the ass man... :'(....wonder when he'll grow up to be a man who understands women...

I guess i wont be celebrating valentines'day tmrw....
we wont be celebrating anyway....

2005-02-10T05:09:00.000-08:00

My life is hell............

2005-02-06T01:36:00.000-08:00

i hate everything...
my life just suck...
I dont want to think of anything else...

i just want to get out of this house if i can...
I really
hate my life...

Im just hanging loose in my cradle..........

2005-01-10T20:35:00.000-08:00

Yeah, im back once again....Tmrw's my birthday but what do i care? hahahhah....Im just hanging loose...btw, i received a huge teddy from my bf yesterday and it was really cute!!!! and not forgetting....3 blue roses in a bunch....he's so sweet :) I mean he must have remembered that i love flowers especially roses and that maybe he recalled it and bought them for me! Neways, i have always been thankful to him though sometimes things get rather rough for both of us....I mean whose relationship doesnt have problems right? Well I guess it's just a kind of life experience that each and every one of us will and have to go through at a point of time in our lives...

Now, im in the computer lab...slacking away like always...havent done my tutorial oppz! itz ok....I mean i think i have to go off straight away after lecture cuz i've got something to attend to and it's rather important....Probably at arnd 2 I'll go off....

Btw, I'm not hoping or wishing much for my birthday...I think Mey (Men Chea Touch>>>My Cambodia frend aka best frend) will give me a call like she always do every year on my b'dae....I felt a lil guilty about it though....cuz i've never gave her a call ever since she went back to her hometown in the city of Cambodia....I pray that she'll be fine

This is a new shit!

2005-01-10T20:29:00.000-08:00

Zim zum is just as stunning as all other members........

Im in a verdict world...

2005-01-03T18:32:00.000-08:00

Im feeling kinda down lately...everything just feels detached from my self...I feel lost and segragated from my inner touch...

Firstly, I dont know if my guy really loves me or not. I dont know whether that special feelings he used to have on me for the first time we met still exist in him. Sometimes im just worried on the amount of freedom he gave me. He lets me do what i want...Does it mean that he doesnt care? or is he seeking and expecting the same freedom in return from me? or does he has a scandal? I hate to think of the negative side to our relationship but what if all my proclaimations are true?

I feel sick to the stomach.....I've already tried confronting him with those questions but he denied and said that he really does love me but...it'z not convincing enough...there's something in his eyes that is saying something else....I dont know.......Let's say if something happens to our relationship and it cause us to spit, I'd probably not indulge in another relationship. Instead, I'll channel those time that may be spent frosting on the realationship to be put into focus on my future plans and career...I dont mind staying single for life if that's the best option to avoid from bigger problems and heartbreaking in the future...

For now, I guess i have to go with the flow...If it leads to the shore, I'd not take the risk to sail again...I'll have my feet on the ground where I've always stood.

2005-01-02T21:44:00.000-08:00

It'z been 3 unfruitful and boring days...I didnt get to see my guy's face or even talk to him over the phone...(though yest nite he msg me and apologized for not calling me up and msgd me for the past few days)...oh well, im still not pleased and convinced though...

Im trying my best to keep myself happy though it'z kinda hard to fake...my heart's already wrecked and it'z already on the verge of destruction..well, im still gonna try to hold it up...it'z really crazy

Menacious day.....manifestation

2004-12-27T20:40:00.000-08:00

Man, it'll be a long day today...I'm in school right now if you're guessing...I'm having a 3hr break till 1pm (which will be in a abt half an hrs minutes time!) My butt's already burning and my eyes feels as though they're gonna pop out from their sockets! I'm so bored...there's not much to do now.....haizzzzzzz....sigh....btw, does anybody has any cool websites abt marilyn manson? comment me oritez?

2004-12-27T20:28:00.000-08:00

Im here once again people.........

2004-12-27T20:14:00.000-08:00

One of the enchanting guitarist in the band!

Sweet Dreams (Are made of these)

2004-12-27T19:53:00.000-08:00

Sweet dreams are made of these.
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas.
Everybody's looking for something.

[Chorus:]Some of them want to use you.
Some of them want to get used by you.
Some of them want to abuse you.
Some of them want to be abused.

[Repeat First Verse]

[Chorus]
I wanna use you and abuse you.
I wanna know what's inside you.
(Whispering and Moaning:Hold your head up, movin' on.Keep your head up, movin' on.)

[Repeat Three Times]

Movin' on!

[Repeat First Verse]
[Chorus]
I'm gonna use you and abuse you.
I'm gonna know what's inside.
Gonna use you and abuse you.I
'm gonna know what's inside you.......

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